A Responsive Approach to Toilet Training
by Morgan Smith, Head of Nursery Acorns.
Reframing Toilet Training as a Meaningful Milestone
Toilet training is often viewed as a dreaded milestone, something practical parents try to “get through” as quickly (and cleanly!) as possible. However, much like all of our learning in the nursery, it is actually a rich and meaningful experience that can support a child’s developing sense of independence, body awareness, and self-confidence. Over my years of working with families, I have seen how this process can be both empowering and challenging, not only for children, but for the adults supporting them.
Readiness: Following the Child’s Timeline
To begin, it is important to recognize that toilet training is not a race, nor is it something that can be rushed or taught before a child is developmentally ready. Each child moves through this process in their own time. While it may be tempting to begin based on age or external expectations, a more responsive approach considers the individual child. Signs of readiness may include showing interest in the toilet, communicating discomfort with a soiled nappy, staying dry for longer periods, or expressing a desire for independence. It is also important to note that children may be physically capable before they are emotionally ready to take this step, and both forms of readiness must be respected. Equally, it is important to consider the readiness of the caregivers supporting this process. Toilet training requires time, patience, and consistency, and children are deeply attuned to the emotions of the caregivers around them. When adults feel rushed or under pressure, children often feel it too. Approaching this milestone with a sense of calm, flexibility, and trust allows the process to unfold more naturally and supports a more positive experience for everyone involved.
Building Safety, Trust, and Confidence
One of the most important aspects of toilet training is creating a sense of safety and trust. Children thrive when they feel secure and free from pressure. Approaching this experience with patience and encouragement allows children to take risks, such as trying something new or experiencing accidents, without fear of shame. Accidents should not be seen as failures but as valuable learning opportunities that help children build awareness over time. In fact, setbacks and regressions are a natural and expected part of this process!
Balancing Consistency with Flexibility
Consistency is another key factor. Establishing predictable routines, such as sitting on the toilet at regular intervals or during natural transition times, can help children connect the act of using the toilet to their daily rhythms. At the same time, flexibility is essential. Children may move forward one day and seem to step back the next, and this ebb and flow is part of how learning naturally unfolds.
The Power of Language and Communication
Language also plays a powerful role. Using clear, respectful, and non-judgmental language helps children feel confident and informed. Supporting children to name and understand their bodily sensations helps them build the awareness needed to respond to these cues over time. Narrating the process and celebrating effort, rather than outcome, contributes to a more positive experience.
Supporting Emotional Transitions and Independence
It is also important to consider the emotional side of this transition. For some children, toilet training can bring a sense of vulnerability, as it involves letting go of familiar comforts and stepping into something new. Supporting children through this change requires empathy and adaptation. Offering choices, maintaining a calm presence, and honouring a child’s autonomy can go a long way in building their confidence. In the classroom, toilet training also becomes a shared experience. Children observe and learn from one another, often gaining confidence through peer modelling. At the same time, our key person approach allows us to balance individual needs with group routines, ensuring that each child feels supported in their own process.
A Holistic View of Toilet Training
Ultimately, toilet training is more than a developmental task. It is a meaningful step in a child’s journey toward independence. It invites children to build trust in their bodies, develop self-regulation, and experience a sense of accomplishment. As caregivers and teachers, our role is not to control this process, but to guide it with patience, respect, and understanding. When approached thoughtfully, toilet training can become an empowering experience – one that strengthens relationships, builds resilience, and supports children in becoming confident, capable little people.
Practical Tips for Supporting Toilet Training at Home
- Follow Your Child’s Readiness
Begin when your child shows signs of interest and awareness, rather than relying on age-based expectations. - Create Simple, Predictable Routines
Regular opportunities to sit on the toilet can help children build awareness and confidence. - Keep the Experience Positive
Praise effort and stay calm during accidents – this helps children to keep trying. Reward and celebrate little wins. - Use Clear, Respectful Language
Talk openly about the body and what’s happening to support understanding and reduce shame. - Encourage Independence
Let your child actively participate in the process – choosing their own underwear and getting to flush the toilet are simple ways for children to feel in control. - Be Patient with Setbacks
Regression is normal! Stay consistent and reassuring, for your child and for yourself. - Dress for Success
Choose clothing that your child can manage independently. - Stay Connected Across Environments
Consistency between home and school can make a big difference. Always communicate with your child’s teacher/key person about your approach, current challenges, and what seems to motivate your child. We will always do the same!
Morgan Smith, Head of Nursery Acorns (age 2 to 3)
